Something I have had to accept- Physical Level of Fitness

I didn't really accept or really learn what it meant to be in your "top physical condition of your life". I hit that point a few months ago, when I ran the 30k and the half marathon.

Since then, I am still running, but less often. I have gained more muscle and more fat, though. I started doing less cardio to gain more muscle--- and it did work!

But even though I look stronger, I am not. I just look it. I trained for appearance. I have also gained body fat. You DEFINATELY cannot see any abs now. I am not fat. I just have fat.

What I have had to accept is that I can't be at the top of my physical fitness game, at all times. Things happen, life happens, it is a pain in the butt to be an intense athlete.

I am going to hop bag on to this again, though. I am going to train to run a full marathon. The furthest I've run since my half marathon at the beginning of May was about 17km. I need to get to 42.2km. If I do, by the end of September, I am going to find a Marathon for sometime in November, to run (since I am not 18 until the end of October, and you need to be 18 to run a marathon).

But what I have to accept, also, is that it is okay not to be at the top, it is okay not to have the best body and best endurance and strength. I won't let myself go, but I also won't pressure myself into crying and having mental breakdowns over it.

I have one body and I want to be kind to it.

I think part of my issue, along with running less, is my eating habits. I don't go over my calories, usually, but sometimes I will have something like a McFlurry, instead of an actual healthy dinner. It's the same calories, it just isn't nutritious. I need to watch everything!

This summer, I am going to use my extra time to get in the habit of eating healthy. Bodybuilders tend to plan their meals for the weak, put them in tupperware, and that is their fridge. I want to do this. If i get in the habit over the summer of doing this, once I am in university, I feel like I will eat a lot healthier.

I don't plan on gaining the freshman 15. I think it is so absurd. I have a lot of willpower if I train it, and I know I can be healthy, even while living on a budget.

Runrunrunrunrunrun

It's time! My 30k run is on Sunday!

30k Around the Bay in Hamilton! AHH!

It's starting getting exciting, now. I am excited to look at the stuff at the expo today. 

I was thinking back to "Why did I sign up for this?". I heard about it from my coach from cross country. I think I decided since it is 30k, and a half marathon is 21.1, and a marathon is 42.2, that this is a good halfway point. 

I've been anxious/nervous for the past... well especially the past 2 weeks, and very much so the past few days. But right now, I am not too bad. I think the worst thing for me is the nerve racking feeling when you stand at the start line.. erm, start clump. I remember during the half-marathon we were waiting for the start, sitting on the bleachers, then we got called to the start. Standing at the start at first was quite intimidating. But as soon as the gun went off, I actually didn't really notice it. But the first few kilometres at the half marathon were intimidating. Then you get used to the feeling.

The same thing was at cross country. Standing at the start line I was ridiculously nervous. I tried to keep moving to distract my mind. As soon as the gun went off, it's just this terrible feeling like you are running for your life.

Breathing doesn't really help me. Music sometimes helps me. So that will be good. 

We talked about this in exercise science, how people get nervous before sports events.

I have my meals planned out this time, because during the half marathon in Ottawa, I was forcing myself to eat. 

But I am excited. I just have to realize no matter what my time is when I finish, that I will have finished. I have 4.5 hours to do it. I am aiming for 2.5-3. If I hurt myself, I'll keep on stumbling. 

Ahh!